4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
There comes a time in all of our lives where we are faced with the true fact of mortality. When i lost my mum 15 years ago my world crashed down all around me, i literally fell apart inside but no one on the outside knew. I lived my days as the strong vocal one guiding everyone through there days, being there for my Dad and my sister but at night i would cry myself to sleep cause i never knew what to do for me. This had a drastic effect on the people around me, i lost good friends, i lost respect of other, and I lost who i was but i had no clue why this was happening and neither did they.
Years later when i finally figured it out and broke down to the point of near suicide i finally realized i had been taking care of everyone around me but doing nothing for myself. My Dad and my sister where always there but could only do or say so much until i was ready to set myself free, and i did and im alive today.
I was raised in a good Christian home with loving parents that only shared there faith with me but never pushed it upon me. I love them for that and always will.I have strong morals and beliefs because Mom and Dad allowed me to make mistakes so i could find the right way for myself.
Recently a very close and special friend of mine shared some very deep and meaningful things about her life to me. I first am so grateful she felt trusting of me enough to share and secondly that i was special enough to lend my ear to her. She is going through a similar situation that i went through when my mum died, always helping others and always forgetting about herself. Find yourself first, be at peace with who you are and not what others want you to be. Get on your knees and ask God to heal you from the inside out because trust me He will, i am a living example who should not be here. Suicide was the easy way and i had plenty of opportunities to go down that road but i choose life mostly because of my boys. Today i am a better man for this, my life is far from perfect. i see my boys only several times a week, work what feels like a dead end job feeling unappreciated daily, i don't have alot of money, i don't even have alot of friends but what i do have is my children, my life, my God, my family, and my future which is unwritten yet. I am now in control of my life, i am now the maker of my happiness and the taker of my joy. It is in my hands to walk the proper path even if others think i am crazy.
So my vow, from today on I will live for me, with God as my guide and my plans as my workbook. The future can be bright if we allow it to be so heal, find yourself, put yourself first and ask God to guide you along the way because He will.
God gave me a very special gift recently but until i become fully the man i need to be i cannot fully appreciate His magnificent gift, please if you read this do the same, find yourself and let go of the pain then God can give you the world that's already in your heart. Gods love will never fail you, give it a try...